Sharon, can you hear me?

Yeah, I'm sorry, but this you being gone thing isn't going to work for me. 

And our one-sided Sunday chats are good, but I really miss our phone calls.

And sometimes during the day, I just really need to call out to you. But I can't because I'm in my office or I'm somewhere where it's just not practical.

And as you recall, it's all about me, right? 

So, as part of my grieving process, I started this blog. 

You just can't possibly imagine how much I ache about your departure. What's funny is that you've always kind of downplayed any problems you've had, unless they were really, really serious, because you didn't want to upset us. When you went into the hospital, you were sure you'd be out by the weekend, and you'd be ready for my visit. You downplayed your fatigue and your sense that something wasn't right, even to yourself, until it was too late. 

Why didn't we listen to you??? Well, we did, but we rationalized and reassured. Of course you were tired. You were coming out of a cancer journey, and maybe you took on too much too soon. Fuck all of us. Why didn't we insist you go in for some tests? You had your appointment with Cleveland Clinic coming up, so I guess we all figured they'd look into things. And even Cleveland Clinic was blasé about it.

We all let you down. I am so sorry, Sharon. I am so sorry we failed you. 

I don't know if I'll ever forgive myself. I'll probably have to go into this a lot in this blog.

Well, I can't type much right now, I'm at work. I just had to get this out. I took Eric to the hospital this morning for some tests, and being in a hospital just triggered everything. And for that matter, I hope Eric's tests come out okay. 


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