A mindset update

Hi Sharon,

I just feel the urge to type a letter to you quickly. I'm getting ready to run out of the house. I'll explain tomorrow when I "call" you, but it's all good, we're going shopping together, all three of us, which is cool.

I found myself in a surprisingly good mood this morning. I teased Eric, we laughed about a couple of things, and I discovered a way to post truths on Facebook and disable commenting, which filled me with great mirth. I know I'm just killing my Trump-supporting relatives and friends that they can't set me straight in comments. Mwa ha ha...  I know YOU wouldn't find this amusing  -- you always did take the high road. Not me, I'm down in the catacombs of pettiness.

I'm probably in the best mood I've been in since you passed away. That doesn't mean I'm all the way to carefree and jolly. But let's just say I'm starting to get used to the constant ache of your absence.  I'm not  numb to it, but I'm learning to live with it. 

Before I started this letter, I tried to imagine our situations switched. If I died, truth be told, I'd expect you to grieve, and might be a little hurt if you didn't. But ultimately, I'd want you to start being part of the world again and take joy in doing things with friends and family. I'd be happy to see you having fun. I wouldn't expect you to forget me, and I'd always want to be part of your life in whatever way you could make that happen. But since I couldn't be with you physically, I'd want you to laugh again and feel good again. So I have to assume that's what you'd want for me.

I expect this feeling is fleeting, and I will be overcome with gut-wrenching grief again soon. But then I'll have joyful moments again, followed by grief, and so on. I guess this is my new normal.

And now I feel like saying "But enough about me! What do YOU think of me?"

You can't tell me about you. So I guess you're stuck hearing about me.

You've left the world at a good time, I suppose. You're missing the absolute shitshow that is the Trump administration. We thought his first administration was bad? It was a cakewalk compared to what he's doing now. He's absolutely pillaging the government, illegally in most cases, but nobody is stopping him. And he's given Elon Musk so much power. It's insane. And people are okay with it. 

Climate change initiatives will be set back to non-recoverable states. Populations of people will die. The economy of the USA will tank.  Everything is turning to shit. 

And there's a meteor, a no-fooling meteor, that is  projected to hit Earth in 2031, the most serious meteor alarm yet.  So, it all might be over then. For the sake of our kids and their descendants, I hope not. But it just might be. 

So, you bowed out at an optimum time. I know you weren't ready. I know you didn't want to. None of us wanted you to. But maybe you're dodging one big mofo of a bullet.

And I'm still thinking it's just a matter of time until my cancer returns. And for some reason, I'm kind of okay with that. I'm going to frolic and have fun until then. I'm going to start working on getting my affairs together so that when the time comes, I can slip on out of here too. Maybe you, Mom, and Dad would play a game of euchre with me when I get there.

So that's my mindset today. Now I have to get dressed and  have fun with my family.

I love you, my sister. I can't wait to tell you that in person again.  In the meantime, I know you're watching over your family and taking joy in what you've created.

 

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